Challenge Day 17: Something You Always Think “What If …” About

So to all of you, I may just post this and then go to bed. Don't ask why I signed up for the time I did, but I have to be to the school at 7 am tomorrow for our 2nd Annual 5K Fun Run. I'm going to be dragging! I was joking earlier that I may need some hot chocolate/Bailey's mix to keep me warm ;) well I failed to get to the liquor store so that's out. But I may still have to go get some hot cocoa tomorrow morning. 6:45 to be exact. Ugh!

Feeling pretty accomplished, sticking to my and Mel's new workout regime :) even had time to do weights today :) which then led to the creeper guy who was like totally gawking. It's like ok, close your mouth, you are drooling and it's pretty gross. Plus we're totally checking out the other guy and not you (no offense) lol (because, let's be real, we're girls)

I've been thinking about today's challenge and I think I know what I'm going with. There are very few what if's in my life as I tend to see nothing as a regret, only something to learn from, but this is actually something that is a what if situation.

Growing up I was always slightly heavier and always had weight issues (I'm trusting this as a safe space - as you probably wouldn't hear me openly talking about this unless you're super close to me), nothing bad, but it was frustrating. I played competitive soccer and danced year round all through Jr. High and High School and yet I couldn't lose weight to save my life! Stopped drinking soda, stopped eating fast food, watched what I ate, did fad diets, listened to my dad as he told me over and over again "Should you really be eating that?" I was a poster child for healthy eating and exercise! It didn't do me any good.

My mom has thyroid issues, so when I was about 16-17 I went in to get tested. All my blood work came back normal - nothing wrong. Did blood work again and again. Never any change. I went to college and it only got worse because I had stopped soccer and dance, granted I was walking more because I was also without a car, but still. Then my friend (more like sister) was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and she had also been heavier most of her life. I watched as she lost weight after figuring out what she needed to do. I had another friend who then (a couple months later) found out she too had PCOS but it was also with a celiac diagnoses. PCOS became a fascination for me and I was like, maybe that's what I have! Got more blood work done and was again told, no. I finally found a doctor who specialized in it and he said straight off that based off certain things about my appearance (acne, excess body hair, etc.) that he had no doubts it was what I was going through. The problem is that the blood work, unless you know what you're looking for will look completely normal!

PCOS is a trait passed through the male chromosomes to their children, and it rarely manifests itself in men. But tends to always in women. It's (to put it in the easiest terms) basically a pre-diabetic disease and if not treated will lead to Type 2 diabetes. It works with your insulin levels and doesn't allow you to lose weight but rather store the fat. Your body produces higher than normal testosterone (which as we should all know, women produce, but not in high levels). And you can get cysts on your ovaries which causes really painful periods (yes, I do remember puking multiple times and staying in bed for days).

Anyway, after being put on MetFormin (a pill they actually give people with diabetes) my symptoms started going away and to say that weight shed like water isn't an exaggeration. But, it can only do so much and I was slipping into bad college eating habits, so eventually the weight gradually creeped back up, but still, I am dealing with it and have lost almost 20 lbs - this disease makes it realllllllllly hard to lose weight like any other person would. As much as I hate living my life on pills, I don't know what would happen if I just said "screw it!" So my what if is definitely, what if I never found out I had PCOS? Would life be easier? Would I be happy? What would happen if I stopped taking the pills?

Too many what if's so I'll just stop worrying for the night.

Anyway if you made it through this, thank you for reading and listening. It's really as brief as I can make it, but to the point. If you're interested in more info let me know.